Wonder Bread Has Dairy? It Does! It Doesn't! It Will!

Whenever you think the world has gone beyond bonkers, someone in Corporate America will come along and kick it up another notch.

Take Wonder Bread. Good old-fashioned Wonder Bread, so ingrained in American lore that a spokesperson for the company issued a statement assuring folks that its new Wonder Bread with whole grains would still roll up into little balls for lunchroom food fights. Dairy-free Wonder Bread, which managed to build bodies 12 ways without using any milk for the last decade. That Wonder Bread.

The one that now complies with the new Food Labeling Law by listing a warning that it contains milk. But doesn't contain milk.

You read that right. There's a milk warning on a product that contains no milk.

Why? Because at some point in the future, Wonder Bread will change its recipe to include whey, a milk product. When? Oh, maybe later this year.

"Our customers are best served - and the spirit of the FDA regulations is best served - by changing the labeling on a schedule that ensures that consumers have the information they need," said Theresa Cogswell, vice president of research and development of parent company Interstate Bakeries Corp.

That's nice of them, and extremely civic minded.

Only one problem.

It's not currently true. They are deliberately mislabeling their product.

"The regulations state that the packaging has to be truthful and not misleading," [FDA spokeswoman Kimberly] Rawlings said. "The label should reflect the contents of the package."

So is this fraud? Probably not, but mostly because the FDA never even considered the possibility that somebody would start putting on a warning before the product was even added.

Wonder Bread. Teaching people not to trust ingredients labels since 2006.

Excuse me while I go off in a corner and babble quietly to myself.