The Lactose Intolerance Clearinghouse Has Moved.

My old website can be found at I am no longer updating the site, so there will be dead links. The static information provided by me is still sound.

For quick offline reference, you can purchase Planet Lactose: The Best of the Blog as an ebook on or or or a whole lot of other places that Smashwords is suppose to distribute the book to. Almost 100,000 words on LI, allergies, milk products, milk-free products, and the genetics of intolerance, along with large helpings of the weirdness that is the Net.

I suffer the universal malady of spam and adbots, so I moderate comments here. That may mean you'll see a long lag before I remember to check the site and approve them. Despite the gap, you'll always get your say. I read every single one, and every legitimate one gets posted.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

LI Celebrity Alert: Bubble Buddy

OK, I'm doing my homework by reading all the stories that roll across the newspapers of the world that contain the word "lactose." I do this because you have better things to do with your time.

And I run across this essay by Lori Holcomb in the Wilmington News-Journal.

Then there is the “black-toast incident,” as it has become known our family. Conner loves Sponge Bob, much to the dismay of pretty much all the adults in his life. However, certain events occasionally make the nuisance worthwhile. One day, he apparently heard Sponge Bob tell how he was lactose intolerant. He related that fact the best way he could to what he knew in his little world, filed it away and went on.

Hold the presses! SpongeBob SquarePants is lactose intolerant? That's great news! Most characters in television or movies or cartoons who are lactose intolerant are secondary characters who are there just to be made fun of. Giving the lead character our little affliction, and not just any lead character, but a lead character that is an international superstar, would be wonderful.

But if it's so wonderful, how come I never heard this before?

The essence of Holcomb's essay is that her kids are weird alien creatures whose world that she doesn't truly understand. The giveaway is that she can't even spell SpongeBob correctly.

You guessed it. The lactose intolerant character on the show isn't SpongeBob, but Bubble Buddy, a comic sidekick.

To glean the backstory, I went to the font of all things SpongeBob, SpongeBob Wiki, in which adults can plumb the depths of our cheese-avoiding pal. (Yes, really. A SpongeBob Wiki. And there's also a Spongepedia. And a Spongywiki. Think about that. And Lori Holcomb is a newspaper columnist who can't spell the name correctly. That about that, too.)
Bubble Buddy - is a sentient soap bubble created by SpongeBob when he felt alone in the episode, "Bubble Buddy." He comes to life at the end of the episode when Squidward and other Bikini Bottomites threaten to pop him with a needle. A taxi picks him up and he leaves with a suitcase and disappears in the sky. He also appears in the video game Battle for Bikini Bottom, teaching SpongeBob new bubble moves. Bubble Buddy likes bendy straws, funny jokes, and shampoo. He is very picky about his Krabby Patties. He likes no cheese, no crust, pickles to the left, four squirts of ketchup, wheat buns, non-deli lettuce, and farm raised tomatoes; carnival style. He is lactose intolerant, and is naturally nervous around pointy objects. His birthday is October 9. Bubble Buddy is also known for taking a long time to use the bathroom.

He's noted for taking a long time to use the bathroom. How humiliating. For all of us.

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Lori Holcomb said...

I can't believe your rude comments because I incorrectly spaced SpongeBob. Come on. Did I offend you in any way? Say something rude about LI? No, I didn't.
And by the way, I am NOT a newspaper columnist. I'm just a mom who wrote a supposedly humorous story about life as a mom for the local paper. Forgive me for my spacing error.

Steve Carper said...

Whoever you are, whatever your place on the Internet is, you are responsible for your words and it is important to get even the smallest points correct. You call yourself just a mom, but you were - and apparently still are - the circulation director for the newspaper. I would have thought that mere proximity might get you into the habit of looking things up before you set them in type. Especially since my real complaint was that you attributed the quote to the wrong character, a major error at any time. Your errant typography was a mere lagniappe.

I like being rude to people who get things wrong. Perhaps they'll keep that in mind the next time they put their hands on a keyboard.

Since the system doesn't put dates on comments, I get a chuckle that this post you are commenting on is now almost six years old. All you are doing is calling attention to an ancient and forgotten post on a blog that's been defunct for more than a year. (Can I say "I'm just a blogger"? Probably not.) Have you heard of the Streisand Effect? I'd suggest you look it up, but that does't seem to be your strong suit.

If you would like to leave another comment, please note that I check for comments no more than once every month or two so it make take time before I see it and approve the post. For the record, I print every comment that isn't spam, whether it is positive or negative.